DOs and DON’Ts of being an ally to victims of GBV
What is helpful, and what is not?
It can be extremely difficult for victims to open up about their experiences of gender-based violence. Victims can also be unaware of their own situation, assuming that their experiences are nothing out of the ordinary.
As an ally, there are helpful behaviors to reinforce, and harming behavior to avoid:
DO NOT:
Do not engage in normalizing GBV through ‘’harmful comments’’ or ‘’jokes’’. It is important to understand that the language we use to frame topics is a major part of the problem. Jokes about sexual assault, rape, and violence, normalizes GBV, alongside hurting victims.
DO:
Do speak up in situations where comments are normalizing harmful behavior. Sanctioning harmful language and starting conversations on GBV and its seriousness, opens up safe spaces for people to talk about their experiences.
DO NOT:
Do not stand idly by if you witness any forms of violence in public. This reinforces the idea that the victim is not worth standing up for, and that the perpetrator can do as they please without consequences.
DO:
Do approach the situation and ask if you can be of help to the victim. Call local police and inform them of what happened. It is best to stop behavior before escalation, do not wait for a situation to escalate before approaching. Stay with the victim until local police arrives if possible.
DO NOT:
Do not try to make the victim see the ‘bright-side’ or downplay the abuse that they are facing. There is no ‘bright side’ to any form of violence. Downplaying abuse is common, especially if the abuse is non-physical. It is important to understand that downplaying the victims experience can harm the victim in the long run and prevent them from reaching out for support.
DO:
Do validate the victims experience. Just because their experience does not fit into what society deems as ‘’extreme’’ forms of abuse, does not mean that it is not valid. Violence does not occur all at once, at times, it slowly intensifies, and so the victim can feel trapped, with no hope outside of their situation. It is important to provide a compassionate, non-judgmental, and understanding perspective.
DO NOT:
Do not make hasty decisions or provide unsolicited and rushed advice. Do not make false promises. Situations of GBV are very complex and it can be life-threatening for a victim to leave the violent environment without planning or preparation.
DO:
Do seek professional advice. Do help the victim in making an exit-strategy and provide a safe environment for them after their exit. Victims of GBV can be tied to abuser(s) through things such as finances, children, contracts/legality. Seeking advice and having some level of certainty is important.
